A Lost Art

I talk with people for lots of hours each day. It is my job. I enjoy it. I think I’m pretty good at it.

But I am afraid, as a country, when we try to discuss topics where there is a difference of opinion, the art of civil discourse has been lost.

We no longer listen to understand. Sometimes we don’t even listen. While others are talking we're trying to come up with our rebuttal, yet we don’t even know what we are responding to because we are too wrapped up in what we are going to say. We have to be “right”.

Here are some ideas on effective communication.

Listening is the 1^st key to civil discourse.

While the person you are talking with is explaining their point of view, make eye contact, don’t look at your phone or out the window. Be attentive. Be sure they are done with their thought before you speak.

Asking questions is the 2^nd key.

Ask questions to understand. Why do you feel that way? How did you come up with that conclusion? What are you basing you opinion on? Ask them respectfully with the intention to learn.

Notice, these keys have nothing to do with the behavior of the person we are talking with. The keys are changes in our behavior that communicate to the other that we care, that we truly want to understand them and know why they have such strongly held beliefs.

When someone feels we genuinely want to understand, they open up and honestly share their opinion.

It is at this time we can come to an agreement or part ways without hurt feelings.

And there is nothing wrong with either conclusion. We could even still be friends.